pert-near

Aly and I hosted a bible study in our home this evening. We had 14 people show up and we were really pleased considering our total worship attendance is 80 on most sunday's. They have not had this offered in the past years so they are excited to have a bible study. We are happy to bake fresh bread, make coffee and hot tea, and honor the need to be in fellowship together. What I have realized is that God has provided the space for us to spend time with people who are dedicated to caring for their spiritual life. I have found myself giving thanks to be able to identify a group that I know are interested in going deeper.

One of the neatest things that Aly and I have been experiencing is meeting lots of local small restaurant owners in our area. In one weekend it was at three places. We are searching for people who we will connect with. These owners will not be our best friends, but I still am wondering how this will play out and why in the world each one of them took so much time to tell us about their businesses and so much about their lives.

Shifting gears, I have realized why being a solo pastor is so humbling for me (maybe it would be as a team person as well I suppose). Each week I have the opportunity to create a bulletin, picking music, etc..., create a children's message, write a sermon, make 3-5 visits weekly, lead a bible study, create and teach a confirmation lesson, provide pastoral care to someone who has recently lost a spouse, engage in personal spiritual practices, and other things as well I suppose. What is humbling is that there is no way I can put all the time I want to into each of these practices and preparations. What is humbling is that I cannot always feel that I have done all I could have if given the time. What is very humbling is that I have to do each of these things, some of which I am better at. I am exposed in my weaknesses and my growing areas as one raised up as a leader in the church. Each week I am called to expose them again giving it my best. In this call of great width and depth it is humbling to think of all the creative acts I have been called to each week. As I look at the 'compose' button at the top of my window I realize that is my life. Each time it is a new word to share, a creative act of trust in the past and my preparation and a God who is still speaking and moving.

You know, I don't really like getting to Saturday and having a huge list of things to finish, but I sense a real honesty and calling in this struggle. I can say that after 10 weeks 'getting it' seems to still be elusive. But I live for moments like I have today as I said hello to a stranger sitting in the hallway of an apartment complex. She kept saying to me, "God is love. The old law controls us too much." She said it in many different ways. She was so intense and was so reflective with each word. I am not explaining it well, but I haven't listened so intently since I listened to my wife say her wedding vows to me. It was as if God was speaking to me. Creating space in my heart so I could write a sermon. Solidifying what I had thought may be true--that living a life of ministry--really the preaching life--is with me every minute of the day. It has permeated every aspect of my day and it is demanding. As they would say around here, "it is on my mind and heart pert-near all the time." That is 'pretty near' all the time. And I have been praying a lot. And I have seen God active in the world around me a lot more. Paz